Opportunity Cost

This evening I found myself shedding a few tears as I sorted through old socks and decided what needed to be donated or thrown away. Socks. Not baby socks, but my socks. I am not a very emotional person, but my socks reminded me of my "old life." The one before our trio when I worked full-time outside the home, ran marathons, and completed triathlons. And basically did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted in my free time.

Socks were a very important part of my wardrobe when I worked-out six days a week and when I wore socks to work almost every day, but socks aren't as important now that I am a stay-at-home mom in ABQ and my main footwear is flip flops. So tonight, when I was putting away my clean socks, I decided it was time to sort through my sock drawer since it was unnecessarily full, and suddenly I was reminiscing about the life I once had and I was feeling a bit sad that it is gone.

The thing is, most days I don't miss my old life, but sometimes it just hits me. It's almost like I've lost a loved one as random things remind me about my old life and I feel a deep heartache for the past. I'm sure that I don't need to reassure anyone of how much I love being a stay-at-home mom for our trio, but there were parts of my old life that were very fulfilling. It felt good to pick a goal race, either a half-marathon, marathon, or triathlon, create a training plan for myself, follow the workouts, and complete the race (I've realized now that it's nearly impossible to follow through on any sort of training plan as I never know when I'm going to be woken up in middle of the night and I don't workout if I don't sleep. Period.).  It felt good to complete a 20 mile training run on a Saturday and know that I was in great shape (these days pushing the stroller is my workout so it's more like interval training than a long run and I don't get out very often now with the cooler weather). It felt good to earn a paycheck and be told by my supervisor that I was doing a great job (although Micah says this to me once in awhile, our kids aren't saying much yet...and kids don't usually tell their parents they are doing a good job anyway). I am extremely goal-oriented and I like to see results, and because of that my old life was very satisfying.

Me and my friend Katie in the Phoenix Rock n Roll Marathon in January 2010. Katie and I have been friends since 1st grade and although we grew up in Michigan, we both lived in the Denver area for a few years so we were able to train for this marathon together. Although marathon training is hard, we had so much fun doing it together as we were almost exactly the same pace so we pushed each other just the right amount, and we had so many great conversations while running. The weather was perfect and the Phoenix course is flat, so the icing on the cake was that I qualified for the Boston Marathon (although I didn't end up running at Boston for various reasons).

Before we had kids, I thought I would make running and climbing a priority no matter what, but I didn't understand the opportunity cost. I learned about this concept in one of my business classes in college, and since then it has stuck with me. Opportunity cost is the value of the best alternative, so in my case I can spend time with our three toddlers or I can do something else such as a workout, go to work, spend time with friends, or anything else I choose. Of course, I know I need a break sometimes and I do make sure that I get out of the house most Wednesday evenings, but during the day when our kids are awake I mostly choose to hang out with them as I don't want to miss anything. That might sound a bit silly, but children are only babies and toddlers for a short period of time and there is so much learning and change each day, and we have it multiplied by three right now! It is impossible for me to know what it feels like to have a singleton, but I'm assuming that the feeling of "missing out" isn't as strong since there is only one child developing at this rapid pace.

Headed out for a bike ride in ABQ

I am confident that one day in the future I will once again pick out a race, probably a half-marathon for starters, create a feasible training plan, and complete the race, but for now I am honestly okay (most days) with going on the occasional run by myself, pushing the 100 lb. stroller while run / walking, or just counting my many trips up and down the stairs as my "workout." When Jack came up to me tonight with a toy hammer and said "bang, bang, bang" I felt a sense of accomplishment as he learned that from me! I would have been so sad to have missed that moment as he was so proud of himself and his new word.

A random afternoon with Jack, Faith, and Alexis