Not "Going through the Motions"

Years ago when talking to someone who had two small children I asked, "How are you?" and her response was, "Just going through the motions." I was shocked at that response as that sounded horrible to me. I now know what she meant as life can feel mundane, especially when your days revolve around babies and toddlers, but that response has stuck with me to this day. Of course, some days feel pretty blah, but Micah and I are both goal-oriented people and we find satisfaction in working towards those goals. Although having three kids at once made us re-evaluate what is important in our lives, our children have also made us more focused on our goals as the time we have to work towards them is now even more valuable.

Overall, Micah is more goal-oriented than I am as my goals are short-term in nature and I create new ones along the way, such as training for the half-marathon I will run this May. Micah, on the other hand, has a list of goals that he wants to accomplish in his lifetime, one of which is climbing Denali which he plans to do this June.

I know some people are saying, "What?!! He plans to climb the highest peak in North America and leave his wife and three two-year-olds at home?! How selfish!" Maybe. But maybe not.

Running and climbing have been a big part of our lives since we were in high school. We actually met on the high school cross country team, and soon after we started dating he took me to the climbing gym where he worked. Throughout the 16+ years we have been together (dating, engaged, and married) we have trained for many triathlons, marathons, and climbs. We simply aren't ourselves without these things.

Although we can be viewed as selfish for wanting to continue these activities now that we have children, we believe more parents should commit to continuing what they enjoy post-children as it is important to remember that you are more than just a parent. I've heard many wise people say that a home should not be child-centered. Instead it should first be God-centered and then marriage-centered. We believe working towards our own goals is part of creating a healthy home as well.

In fact, I heard someone say recently that it is important for your children to see you as more than just Mommy or Daddy, as your children will respect you more if they see that you have goals and relationships outside of them. Of course, our children are a bit young to understand what we are training for and accomplishing, but this is a lifestyle that is important to us and we believe that if our kids see us setting goals and accomplishing them, they will want to do the same.

Here is a quote from professional climber Tommy Caldwell that says it perfectly: "For me the Dawn Wall is the perfect venue for some of the most important values I want to show [my son] Fitz. Optimism, perseverance, dedication and the importance of dreaming big."

I've had many people tell me that they are impressed by how much we take our kids climbing, hiking, running, and camping. Quite honestly, it is a lot of extra work to take the kids along on these adventures, but it is so much fun spending the time outdoors as a family doing stuff that we love. Although we do spend time doing these things without the kids since we cannot do as much with them along, we try to balance our weekends with time as a family and time alone to train. It is a work-in-progress, but isn't everything in life?

Although some people decide to put their personal goals on hold while their children are young, truly there is never "good timing" to work on goals. There is always an excuse such as I don't have enough money, the kids are too young, the kids are too busy with their own things, my work is too busy, or I am too old. We don't want to look back on our lives in 5, 10, or 20 years and regret not taking action.

We realize that we rely on other people to help us accomplish our goals, and we are very thankful for the support. One to two times a week I have a sitter come so that I can go for a run as it is too easy for me to find excuses if I try to go before Micah leaves for work (too early) or when he gets home (dinner time). Also, Micah has gone on a few out-of-state climbing trips since the kids were born and I have had friends and family come stay with us so that I didn't have to take care of the kids alone. We know that this is a sacrifice for the friends and family as they travel to come visit us and we rely heavily on them for their help when they are here. We truly appreciate all of the help we have received (and that we will receive when Micah is gone in June). It takes a village to raise a family, and you all are an important part of our village.

Life with young kids is difficult, and sometimes I do wish we could put our goals aside for awhile and just get caught up around the house, but then I remember how much better I feel when I get done with an 8-mile run as opposed to folding yet another load of laundry. It may seem like we make things harder for each other as every Tuesday evening Micah is gone climbing and I put the kids to bed by myself, and every Wednesday night I am gone and Micah puts the kids to bed by himself, but we don't see it that way. We believe it would be a greater sacrifice to give up our goals and our nights off each week, as we both need a break from "going through the motions," and overall we believe this makes us better parents.

On a family hike this past weekend