This past week we have been remembering Graham's birth and the events before and after his birth. My contractions started on Thursday morning and Graham wasn't born until 2:50 a.m. on Saturday. To me my labor seemed long as I didn't really know what to expect (I never went into labor with my triplet pregnancy), and by the time Graham was born I had not slept much in 48 hours. During my labor the kids and Micah all came down with a horrible cold (ear infections, terrible cough, and pink eye for the kids, and a sinus infection for Micah), so there was a part of me that wanted to stay at the hospital longer since I didn't want to expose a tiny baby to so many germs. I did end up catching the cough and cold from the kids, but thankfully Graham was okay.
On top of everyone being sick, breastfeeding was extremely difficult. I so badly wanted to breastfeed since I wasn't able to do so with our triplets, but it was excruciatingly painful. I dreaded nursing him because of how painful it was for me, and in those early weeks I could only nurse him away from the older kids because it hurt so badly that I couldn't even hold a conversation. Thankfully I figured out, through numerous Google searches and talking to friends, that Graham had a top lip tie. When Graham was about 4 weeks old we got that lasered, and nursing him became so much easier for me. Looking back I'm surprised I persevered through the pain, but that goes to show how important breastfeeding was to me this time around. I knew that Graham would be fine on formula since that is how our other babies were fed, but I really wanted the breastfeeding experience. He did get a few ounces of formula in the early weeks simply to give my body a break from the pain, but when he had that we noticed an increase in spit up / vomit, which makes sense now that we know he has a milk protein intolerance.
Unfortunately, Graham projectile vomited massive amounts every day starting when he was about two weeks old. Our other babies spit up frequently, but this was completely different as he would only do it 1-2 times a day, but when he did it would be like a fountain as it would shoot out of him. Most days I became completely soaked in the process. He also had specks of dark blood and mucous in his stool. After more Google searches, talking with friends, and multiple trips to the pediatrician, I decided to cut out dairy and soy from my diet. Although that helped some, a couple of weeks later I cut out gluten as well and that did the trick. After cutting dairy, soy, and gluten from my diet, Graham very, very rarely spit up and his diapers became completely normal. Eating this way has not been easy, especially when it comes to eating out and social events, but it didn't take long for me to become used to cooking this way for myself.
On top of the breastfeeding issues and food intolerances, Graham wasn't a great napper, so it was hard to find a few minutes for myself (he mostly liked to nap in the Ergo carrier). And even though he is a pretty consistent napper now, there really isn't much room for downtime since during his naps I am either working (while the kids are at preschool), taking care of things around the house, or doing stuff with the big kids. And, up until a week ago, I was still nursing him during the night. When I write all of this out, I can see why I feel so tired all of the time.
This past weekend I was able to attend portions of my church's women's retreat. Thankfully the retreat took place at a B&B in ABQ so, although most women stayed on site all weekend, there were some of us that went back and forth for various reasons. Although it would have been great to be fully present at the retreat, I appreciated that I could attend all of the sessions and still be home to nurse Graham pretty much on our normal schedule. (Ironically, although breastfeeding got off to a difficult start, he now won't take a bottle so I don't even have the option to leave him for more than 5 or so hours during the day). The fact that the retreat fell on Graham's birthday weekend was completely coincidence, but to me it felt like a turning point in my life. The first year with a baby is hard, and Graham has been no exception, but we made it through the first year and I was finally able to do something 'for myself.'
I know so many mothers have more difficult situations than my own, so I hope this post doesn't sound like I'm complaining. I was just taken off guard with the hurdles we experienced during Graham's first year of life as we truly believed one baby would be "easy." Yes, in some ways he is easy, but in many ways he isn't. So, friends, to those of you that have said I'm your "hero" for having triplets, and for those that feel like they can't vent about their one child to me because I have triplets, I want you to know that having a baby is hard no matter what.
My hope is that the next year with Graham is easier for me and that I can start getting out more regularly with friends and to run and climb, but if it doesn't happen I'm going to continue to give myself grace because in the sleep deprivation and mental exhaustion of raising kids, sometimes grace is the best gift we can give ourselves.
No comments:
Post a Comment